The 7 Stages of Grief

Reading & Journaling Wisdom 101 Session with Claire Anstey

Understand & Work Through Grief

We grieve when someone dies, when we experience a break up and even when we lose a job we loved.

Understanding the different stages of grief will help you move through them with a bit more knowledge and ease.

Remember that everybody grieves differently, and not everybody will go through each stage in the same order. You may find that you also hop back and forth, going up and down this list. There is no right or wrong.

1: SHOCK AND DENIAL

Even if you had time to prepare for the death of a loved one, when someone dies, it can still be a shock. Shock and denial provide emotional protection from feeling intense pain and overwhelm. You may find yourself feeling detached and numb from the situation. In this stage, you also doubt the reality of your lost one, you know that it has happened, but you feel it isn't real.

2: GUILT

Individuals may unrealistically blame themselves for things they had no control over. Guilt causes you to punish yourself and keeps us focused on the past.

3: ANGER

Your pain may be redirected and expressed as anger, irritability, rage, bitterness, anxiety, impatience, lashing out, or even unwarranted blame. This stage involves acknowledging that some things have changed and anger toward your new reality.

4: BARGAINING

In this stage, individuals try to hold onto hope in intense pain. You may feel that you would be willing to do anything or sacrifice anything to bring baack your loved one.

5: DEPRESSION

Feeling depressed is a natural and appropriate response to the grieving process. Throughout this stage, you are starting to face the reality that your loved one has gone, and you have finally realized the magnitude of your loss. However, it is common to experience feelings of emptiness, despair, and isolation.

6: TESTING

This is where you can reconstruct your life and search for solutions to get through your grief. You might experiment with different strategies that help you cope, and you start feeling better control over your life.

7: ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance does not mean that you feel good or right about the loss; it is about accepting that a new reality cannot be changed. Acceptance means embracing the present – good and bad – to shape the future.

Journaling Exercise:

Journaling can be a helpful way to process your emotions and memories.

Try and write down some of your thoughts, feelings, and experiences as you move through the stages. Remember that some people experience the stages in different orders. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Here are seven journaling prompts based on the seven stages of grief. set a timer for 15-20 minutes, take a moment to focus on the grief memory you wish to focus on and answer the 7 questions below. Don't be afraid to come back to this exercise again to help in your processing process.

1: Shock and Denial:

Take a moment to reflect on the initial shock and denial you experienced when confronted with this particular grief memory. How did it feel to be in a state of disbelief? What thoughts or emotions arose during this stage, and how did they manifest in your daily life?

2: Pain and Guilt:

Allow yourself to delve into the emotions of pain and guilt associated with this grief memory. What aspects of this memory trigger feelings of guilt or self-blame? How has this pain influenced your behavior and interactions with others since the event occurred?

3: Anger and Bargaining:

Explore the moments of anger and bargaining that arose during this stage of grief. Who or what did you direct your anger towards, and what were you hoping to achieve through bargaining? Reflect on the intensity of these emotions and how they impacted your coping mechanisms.

4: Depression and Loneliness:

Reflect on the period of depression and loneliness that followed this particular grief memory. How did you experience these emotions? How did they affect your relationships and sense of connection with others during that time?

5: Upward Turn:

Recall moments of relief or an "upward turn" in your emotions related to this grief memory. Did you find any glimmers of hope or light during this phase? What factors contributed to this positive shift, and how did it influence your perception of the grief experience?

6: Reconstruction and Working Through:

Consider how you started to reconstruct your life and work through the grief surrounding this memory. What steps did you take to process your feelings and begin healing? Reflect on the support systems or coping strategies that proved beneficial during this stage.

7: Acceptance and Hope:

Finally, explore your journey toward acceptance and hope regarding this specific grief memory. How have your feelings transformed over time, and what aspects of acceptance have you embraced? What hopes or aspirations for the future have emerged as a result of this healing process?

Remember, journaling is a personal and therapeutic exercise, so feel free to write without judgment or constraint. Allow yourself to express your emotions and thoughts openly, as this can lead to valuable insights and emotional release. Take care of yourself as you navigate this journey of healing and growth.

You may want to write on paper and then rip it up and burn it to really let go of all the emotions and thoughts that have been building up.

Come back to this exercise and repeat it. As time goes on you will notice how different you are feeling and reacting to each stage.