House Of Pain: A Place For All Your Sadness

MENDMAKER WORKOUT SESSION

Session written and explained by your coach Claire Anstey

Session Length: 3-minute read and then 30/45 minutes for the exercise. The time will vary depending on how long you want to spend on your personal reflection and creation of the box. This is an exercise you can come back to and add to when you feel the need.

Note from Claire Anstey: In this MendMaker exercise I share a deeply personal strategy that helped me navigate the tsunami of emotions after a painful breakup. This MendMaker is about turning your sorrows into something tangible, a physical manifestation of your inner turmoil, allowing you to externalize and examine your pain. Creating my 'house of pain' was a transformative act, a way to compartmentalize the agony and start the healing process. It’s more than just a box; it’s a sanctuary for your sadness, a place where your pain is acknowledged and contained. This exercise can lift you from the depths of despair, offering a structured method to face and manage your emotions. It’s a step towards not just moving on, but moving forward with intention and clarity, turning overwhelming feelings into actionable steps towards recovery and self-empowerment.

MendMaker

My head felt like it was going to explode. I didn’t know where to start and I couldn’t control my tears. I would cry at work and burst into tears on the train. I felt so ashamed of being dumped, of failing in my love life. I didn’t want to talk to my friends. I knew that they were all there but saying it out loud was just all too much for me.

I was so ashamed that I had been dumped.

But with the pain irrupting inside I knew I had to get it out, with his pictures still on the wall I knew I couldn’t cry over them anymore but I didn’t want to throw those memories away.

So I created a special box, a box for my pain and I named it the ‘house of pain’.

Inside I placed all of the pictures, the letters and the hurt. I had kept a memory boxes for each year of high school and it just felt so right to find a place for the pain in the same way I had found a place for my teenage thoughts.

Every time I felt the need I would write about the pain, often by doing an exercise that I have placed in this book and I would allow the pain to leave me and flow on to the paper and then take residence in the ‘house of pain’ by me popping it in the box. I advise you to do the same.

Create your box and decorate it how ever you wish, you may choose to just leave it blank and hide it in your wardrobe. An old shoebox, a gift box or even a cardboard box from the supermarket, the choice of box is up to you. This is now the house for your pain, your bad thoughts and the negativity within you. You can write it down, let it leave you and place it in its new home.

The day I decided to create this box was also the day I decide to clear up his memory, I spent a few hours gathering what was left and I tucked it up in a bigger box and placed it in my parents loft to deal with another day when I felt stronger and at ease with the break up. This action is not about avoiding the truth or your pain. It is about facing the pain head on. It is about becoming strong and taking control as you make the choice to remove it from your life.