Do You Not Know Who I Am?

MendMaker Exercise: Session written and explained by your coach Claire Anstey

You Are Already Enough!

Self-importance, guest lists, VIP rooms and the fact that you never queue to get in anywhere because you know the right people are shitting all over your soul.

We are VIP leaders in a generation that has led to career teachers across the land advising girls on how to achieve their dream job as a WAG (that's the wives and girlfriends to fancy football stars between me and you)

Hi my name's Giles, and I'm a super star dj, what's your name and what do you do?'

Parties and networkers across the land lead cocaine fueled conversations with talk of who they were with last night, whom they know and what they do. What a bunch of losers.

Your ego is not the inner you; it is not the true essence of you. You see your ego connects with other things; it gets its power from attaching itself to the external, materialistic social titles and roles we have in our western world. Your ego is kind of like a cockroach that sucks on your soul.

I'm so great because I am a banker, I'm an actress and I'm a twat in a magazine so everyone loves me.

Do you believe that the only way to be appreciated by people is to have a role and title that is impressive enough? Do you feel the desperate need to create exciting titles for yourself and when you can't do that you hang on like a leech to someone who has the role that you desperately want? Are you in your own shit reality TV show pretending to be the best friend of someone that you don't really like? How many guest lists does it take for you to think you're better than everyone else?

Roles and titles do not make up who you are inside, they are not your values because roles change and you can lose them. If we rely solely on our roles and titles we become unstable. Your values are built within you; you're born with them. You just need to remind yourself of them again and know that whatever happens in your life you will always be the same great person if you remain true to these inner values.

If you only rely on roles and titles you will only gain fake respect, admiration and happiness. How many times have your roles or titles changed and to cope you head straight to the drink, the drugs or the one night stands to fill yourself with more empty contentment.

You my friend are important and you know why? Because you are you, because you are Tom Dick or Annie that in itself is good enough and when you totally believe in yourself others believe in you too.

TASK:

The idea of just being you may or may not freak you out. If you don't know how you would react you are about to find out. You are about to make your life totally about you.

You are going to lose the attachment you have to your roles. We all wear many hats within our different roles, you can be a mum, son. boyfriend, best friend, actor, plumber. Depending on where you are and who you are with you change these hats but the "inner you" should always remain the same. Your values and self esteem should never change. Roles make up what we do and because of that they do have an effect on our lives but they do not make us more or less important than anyone else.

We often only feel worthy when attached to our titles. We use them to hide our lack of confidence and faith in our own abilities.

Have you ever lied about your job to get a better response from someone at a party? Footballers across the land say that they are street cleaners to make sure that girls are hitting on them and not their "role" and the expectations it brings.

And for those of you that are a street cleaner isn't it about time that people judged you on you and not your job too? Both street cleaners and footballers are being screwed over by egotistical arseholes.

Often our reality and our dream are miles apart, you may be a receptionist but want to be a singer. What would you rather tell people and why? What are your reasons for wanting people to think that you A - the singer when you are in fact B - the receptionist.

This exercise is all about putting the focus back on your 'inner you' and will allow you to stop getting so hooked up and your need for a title. You will be here for your whole lifetime; your role could change in an instant and so will your happiness if it relies on it.

This exercise has been created to allow you to know that you are good enough. You don't need a label. You just need to know yourself and what you stand for.

"So what's your name?' - 'My name's Claire Anstey'

'So what do you do then?' - 'Oh I am Claire Anstey'

'No I mean what do you do, what's your career?' _ 'That is what I do.

I do being me. That's what my life is about, it is about being me’

How do you think you would feel if you couldn't tell somebody about your roles?

Next time you get asked, do your version of the conversation above and see their reaction. See how many strangers need to judge you on your role and not your soul.

It will feel odd at first and you will be ridiculously self-conscious but with practice it will become normal and feel extremely empowering.

You can even practice on yourself. Look into a mirror, focus into your own eyes and keep having this conversation with yourself and then go out and be proud the next time someone asks you what you do for a living. Being you is the best title you will ever have, now go out and own it.