Being 5 Broke My Heart

MendMaker Exercise: Session written and explained by your coach Claire Anstey

Connect To Your Inner Child

When we are little stuff happens and it messes us up. When I was five Jeremy Burgess broke my heart. Jeremy Burgess told me that he loved me at his leaving party and that he would always be my boyfriend and promised that he would write and call every day. He never did. He broke my heart. He was five, he was moving house, he didn't pay the phone bill and he didn't even have my number. I was too young to understand and he had broken that promise and it cut me deep.

Do you remember what happened when you were 8? Can you think of something that hurt you when you were 5? We hardly ever think back to our childhood but when we do we often can't recall huge chunks of our life. Have you ever wondered why?

Both our brain and our body retain the information of our emotional past but it is our conscious mind that protects us by keeping the nasty happenings from our memory. The problem we then have is that if we don't work out and understand these memories they can dominate our behavior forever by causing beliefs that hinder our success in life, beliefs that we don't even know that we have as they are rooted so deeply in our subconscious.

Take me for instance I kept meeting guys that would become obsessively in love with me and then suddenly leave. Whilst nursing yet another broken heart and going insane with the total confusion I decided to do what all-good mental people do I got therapy. Whilst at a 2-day workshop my teacher Daphne Whitehouse suggested that we do some meditations with me when I was a toddler. | thought it was going to be a pointless load of hippy crap but with a guided meditation that took me back to when I was 5 | discovered what was causing this attraction to crap men. I remembered the incident with Master Burgess as clear as day and many other incidents popped into my head from absolutely nowhere.

It was strange but mind blowing at the same time. It was like my memory had trebled inside and I could recall what happened when I was eight in the same detail as telling you what I had for breakfast.

Talking to me when I was little enabled me to work out that these various incidents had led me to uncover a belief that was hidden deep down. I believed that people that loved me left me; hence this repeated behavior in my love life and my desperate reaction to it.

This fear had led me to bring men into my life that didn't give me the respect I deserve, I would put up with their shit as I was so scared to let them leave due to my history and then I would act like a nut job when they did. It was full on and such an eye opener. I have since been able to work with this new understanding and break this chain.

When people look into their childhood to find answers and understand why they behave or have certain fears it is called inner child work or inner child therapy and is used in various spiritual and psychology theories. It is a term that I thought was for freaky hippies for so long but when I did it the results totally shocked me.

Accepting that you have an inner child is weird shit but if you can give it a go the answers your mini me can give you will blow your mind, memories will flood back and you will be strong where you were weak in your life as it is now.

You can buy tons of meditation tapes and books on your inner child and I would totally recommend you take it further than what I have touched on here. I know this is something that is proving a great help in understanding where my own freak-outs, weaknesses and fears come from. For many this will be the first time you have ever considered this small child chatting stuff so I would like to introduce to you an exercise that I was taught by Daphne the day I discovered my inner child and this type of work. It will feel weird and strange but just go with it, as the results will fascinate you.

TASK

Time to grab a notepad and a pen. With your dominant hand you are going to write your inner child a letter. Close your eyes for a few minutes and remember yourself as a small child between 5 and 7 or what suits you. Now have that image of you as you start your letter like instructed below and then lead into whatever it feels natural to write.

Dear little me when I was 5, 7, 11 (you decide on the age)

I am writing this letter, as I would like to apologize and ask you to please forgive me for….

Please do write as much as you need, really exhaust yourself. When the letter is finished then pick up the pen and place it in the other hand, your weak non writing hand.

From this less dominant hand you are going to write a reply to the first letter. This is a letter from your mini me, a letter from you when you were 5, 7. or 11 to you as you are now. Again trust the process and just allow what comes out after you have written the below.

Dear Big Me

Thank you for your letter, I…

Again just write until you can write no more. Exhaust yourself and be amazed by what comes out. Allow this to be the beginning of the new relationship with you and your inner child.