Because You Feel Lonely

MendMaker Exercise: Session written and explained by your coach Claire Anstey

Feeling Lonely Is A Choice!

You feel lonely.

And if you are anything like how I was you aren’t doing yourself any favors as you don’t want to go out, the idea of speaking to people makes you feel ill and your fat and ugly anyway.

Feeling lonely is horrid. But how can you stop feeling lonely.

You feel lonely. But do you want to be lonely? That choice is yours.

Saying that feeling lonely is a choice may make you feel a little angry at this moment. You did not deserve what happened to you and you can’t help the way you feel. Or can you? The following MendMaker will give you a huge nudge in the right direction and the choice really will be yours.

Mend Maker: Choose to not feel lonely

The first part of this exercise is about totally wallowing in your loneliness. Let’s get all this bitterness and self-pity out and on to some paper. Write down a list all the things that make you feel lonely. Write down the sentence “I am lonely because…” On the top of the page and then write down all that pops into your head on to the paper. Five lines, ten lines, three A4 pages, write until you have nothing more to say, just go for it.

Now that you have totally wallowed in your loneliness you need to ask yourself whether you actually like all these things and want to be lonely. Have a little think about the benefits of being lonely and ask yourself the question “I want to be lonely because…” and fill in the blanks. Write it out just like you did in the first part of the exercise.

If you managed to come up with any answers you need to ask yourself the question again because do you really WANT to be lonely or at this moment are you confusing it with the fear of being hurt again. When we have been hurt it creates a fear inside of us and it can make us shy away from risking our heart again. But if we don’t take risks we will never live life to the full. It is so important that we build up our emotional strength and lose our fears. This book has been designed so that you can deal immediately with any emotion that you are feeling by reading the quotes and exercises in the emotional categories of the same name. Feel free to jump straight to these sections after you have finished this exercise. This book is designed for you to go to the section that your emotional self needs the most, you don’t have to read everything in order. Simply go to the section your heart and mind needs help with and get working on it immediately.

The next step of this exercise is to ask yourself “What would you like to experience instead of this loneliness?” Again write the following at the top of the page, “Instead of loneliness I would like ….” and again write as many things down as you wish, whatever comes to mind write it all down. The reason I say to write everything down as it comes and not question it is because when you are in the flow you enable yourself to reveal hidden thoughts and fears that you may not be aware of as yet. Once you know they are there you can work them out and you will be surprised on how fast this enables you to reap the benefits. The exercise may seem very repetitive at first but the question you place at the top of each page is very different. With each new step you are unlocking new possibilities within yourself and you will be able to see that although times are hard at the moment your world has not ended and you can stop your loneliness in a instance.

The key to this exercise is this final part

Now that you have listed what you would rather experience instead of loneliness we are going to see how you can get it and get it fast. Firstly you need to go back over your list. Write down beside each statement how you feel you can start to create that experience immediately within your life or maybe even where you have it now.

You may have phrased your statements in many ways and there is no right or wrong. I have given a few examples of what I wrote down when I did this exercise for myself. Please note that these are copied exactly as written within my own personal notes.

“Instead of loneliness I would like to experience happiness = I could go to a comedy night with my friends. I am not sure that I can switch on happiness but at least I would laugh for a few hours and that’s a start.

Instead of loneliness I would like to not be on my own = I need to get busy and fill my diary up with things to do; I may even go and stay at a friend’s or with my parents for a few weeks.

Instead of loneliness I would like romantic meals and to be treated like a princess = Ok so bloody impossible. How can you get romance without a partner? I can book into a spa and treat myself and to get a romantic meal. I need to be dating again, not really ready for that but I will organize some dinners with my mates and I may even try and cook something. Never actually cooked a 3 course meal for guests so it would be a challenge and if anything it will keep me busy”

Like I found, some of your statements may feel impossible to achieve at first but try and think a little out the box and come up with something similar or an alternative if needed. It is all about doing the best you can do right now. Each of these actions and activities are getting you a huge big step away from that feeling of loneliness. You are going to be just fine – keep at it xx.